yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
