I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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