dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
