dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
