It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
