My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
