Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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