My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
