we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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