The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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