I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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