Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
