PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
