Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
