I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
