Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
