we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
