wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
