when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
