separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
