I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
there's paper in my vomit.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
