My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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