a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
