I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It was like getting head from an anaconda
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
