that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
