Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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