just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
