His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
