Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
