New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
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