I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
