First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
