Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It's not a walk of shame if you run
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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