And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
