Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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