Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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