I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
