I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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