I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
