Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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