yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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