ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
