she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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