no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
