I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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