Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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