i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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