She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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