My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
