after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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